?

There is a very thin line between cynicism and pessimism.

On books

I haven't purchased a single book in the last two months. Its just either been too hot to go out or I've had the usual one-day-weekend. This also has got to do something with the truth that a little over half of the books I've bought here are still unread. Its just been aimless surfing of the web and a movie or I've had the usual one-day-weekend.
How can I describe what it's like to walk into Crossword or Landmark on a not too crowded day (which happens more often in C than L, L isn't strictly a bookshop) and then sift... Sometimes I spend hours, though I've never picked a book and started reading it right there, that is something I don't feel right about. There are always so many books that plead to be read. (Thank goodness for Credit Cards and denial, they make shopping a guilt-free experience.) The smell of those pages, the excitement of turning over the book to read the blurb, the touch of paper.
But I always miss having someone to discuss a book with. I'm not even sure what classification I'd give to my preferred 'genre' of books. Fiction I can promptly say, I've never had any patience with non-fic, especially the self-helps(there's an abundance of these in the market nowadays, the ones which will land you right on top of the corporate ladder, help you build a fat fat bank balance, furnish you with the secret steps to be a people's person and blah), I also find myself turning away from contemporary acclaimed writers whose books are usually depressing, and Indian writers who follow the same trend. Or maybe they project themselves thus, to look high-brow and literary. Not having read many, its hard to say. I gobble up Classics, Mrs. Christie and Mr. Wodehouse, give me all YA books and I'm happy! Older Indian authors were a cheerful lot, Ruskin Bond, R. K. Narayan, Mulk Raj Anand off the top of my head, I remember those tiny NBT and CBT books, the only ones with stories set in India...tattered copies of some are still there at some, I just can't bear to part with them, I still love them. At that time, in junior school, the only source of books was the beloved school library and Universal Book Shop in Hazratganj where there was a ready stack of these books. Of course one doesn't see them anywhere anymore. I've been browsing through their website right now though, maybe I'll find something after all...

This Place Is Death*

I’ve forgotten what it was like to live with electricity cuts. Making impatient phone calls to the local electricity department to find out ’light kab aayegi?’, swishing newspapers, hand fans and other suitable paraphernalia to beat-the-heat, candles, silly games to pass the time, frets and curses, this was all Lucknow.
Because afterwards, there was the inverter, that saviour from quotidian load-shedding that’s part and parcel of North Indian summers.
With a rude shock I realized yesterday how spending incessant hours at an air-conditioned office had lulled me to forgetfulness. The flickering tube light suddenly died at 10 last night and it dawned upon me that the unexpected had indeed occurred. The next three hours were hell. And they had the gall, they had the gall to do it again at 5 in the morning. Ahhhhh.
Suddenly the surprise gift of a midweek holiday due to a bandh had lost its luster.
Weather must have gotten exponentially worse within the 10 day vacation I spent away from Chennai- it never is anything to boast about anytime of the year here for when it rains, it floods the streets, the office, the everywhere, and becomes a scourge.
To cut the story of a long (and very uncomfortable) day short, I was really looking forward to just going to sleep and escaping to office first thing tomorrow. And bang!, there she goes, there she goes again…
Of all the times to face a power cut, nighttime’s the worst-est. Combine it with sweltering summer of Chennai and you have a winner! Its unendurable, the very touch of cloth on skin elicits a burning feel, you twitch and fidget, and generally feel insane.
Last Christmas and New Year’s eve spent in Delhi had me running back to Chennai, very relieved to be rid of chilblain and cold water (I‘m one of those freaks who like to wash hands recurrently, so you can imagine) but I find myself doing a volte-face and I am sure now, winter might be tough but this is agony.
Its only going to get worse, and I’m not being pessimistic here. Suddenly being over-worked in office doesn’t sound too bad. I could, after all, take a nap in the dormitory, return to the house- I will never call it home- for a wash in the morning, and trot back to office. Or I could get a huge bathtub installed in my tiny nondescript bathroom...maybe I should research the use of solar batteries to power up iceboxes… or…

*Courtesy Lost

There's a man who
Lives by the sea
He takes his daydreams
Very seriously

You'll never see him
He lives all alone
He won't go out or
Pick up the phone

But he wishes he
Was the life and the soul of the party
But he can't 'cause he
Doesn't know anyone, anybody

Is it me?
Is it me?
Am I singing a song about me?

(Travis- Life and Soul of the Party)

The Three 'O Clock Itch

For some reason I suddenly wish to make a list of things I want to do right now, really really want to, not today, tomorrow or the years thereafter, right now:
-Gardening. Take a khurpi and start digging, sow some seeds, model a fictitious map on the wet mud.
-Stand in sunshine. A clear clear sky with swift breeze .
-Play Age of Empires. All day long.
-Tumble through the looking glass, just like Alice
-(Get rid of mosquitoes. I'm not concerned at all what role they play in the food chain -or whatever they call it these days- the damn buggers are not letting me write in peace- unfortunately I can't use the Internet and AllOut at the same time!)
- Make time stop. At twilight. And at 4 in the morning.
And
-Go back home. For good. . . But that's never going to happen. . .
Note to self: Wearing noise isolation earphones is extremely conducive to blogging.

Redux. .

And another one of those bizarro nights.
Awake late, obscure music, cool wind. . what memories!
Its good to know that there are some things about you that will never change.
And I think, isn't it the easiest thing to be happy? I mean, just forget everything else, just please do, try to be me; perceive, that joy comes in little globules of moments, beckoning, flirting, teasing- breathe, take it in, yeah, right now. Hedonism carved out of your own private time can never be a bad thing! :)